just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
