True but thats because hes a fetus.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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