you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
