Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You are the jesus of drinking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
