I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
