I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
