I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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