Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize