she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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