dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
