i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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