i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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