dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
