He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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