come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
