Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
