thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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