I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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