You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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