ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
