are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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