is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
