yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
