It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
