The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to calm my uterus...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
