the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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