one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
