I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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