the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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