shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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