I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
