I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
