Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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