I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
