OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
