Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
