I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
