You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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