Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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