Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
