Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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