$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
