Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize