the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize