he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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