You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize