if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
