im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize