Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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