So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
