At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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