im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
