his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
