If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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