Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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