i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
