it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
