I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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