that's an acceptable place to lick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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