It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
