absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mom said you looked used
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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